Wrote this long long back.... You may not believe, i spent whole day to complete this... :D
Disclaimer:
All the characters, locations and incidents portrayed here are purely fictitious. Any resemblance
to real life is purely co incidental.
Written by a stupid long back,
What is the most beautiful thing in the world..?? Is it that being loved by someone or is that loving someone very truly. ? Whatever may be, I have encountered both these things in my life.Two days before I saw a caption stating like this. “There are many ways to die like Falling from mountain, poison etc. But most people choose love”. I don’t know why many people have this kind of delusional thought about love. May be their experience with the love must have taught them like that. Even I did not have a very good experience with my first love. When I say “first love”, then it’s obvious that my first love had not ended on a winning note. Even I thought much like the former people. On those days, I told myself that I must have chosen some other way to ruin my life, instead of love. Even I had lot of questions gushing on my mind without any answers. I started to blame her. I failed in all my aspects. I went almost like a stray dog. I convicted myself that she must be the only reason for all my failures. That’s very common right.? Whenever we fail miserably, we never look for alternatives to overcome our hurdles. Rather than that we search for a mute opponent and make him/her/it as the reason for all our happenings. I did that too. In my case, she was a deaf-mute. She never turned to me and answered my charges against her. She married a medic. She started to live her life. At that time it was too late for me to change things in a better way. I almost lost everything in my life, when
I started to realize what exactly life means. Even I went on making an obligation. God, please give me a ctrl+z for life. At that time I did not understand one thing. Life has got all the answers in its own terms
I needed a shift or a change. I wanted all my neurons, converge into one factor so that I can slowly forget her and could concentrate on my own life. I searched whole Chennai and finally got myself into a pretty decent job in a moderate software company. So far I was neither a winner nor a loser but a mere spectator. There is a saying,” whether you win or lose, be in the race”. I thought the race was over. But soon I realized that the race had just begun where I started to crawl but my so called fellow people were almost flying.
Have you ever felt the untold rule of life? I felt it. I thought I lost everything. But few incidents told me that I do have the whole world to conquer. But literally I stopped thinking about my future as soon as she left me. I had no idea how I gonna be after 10 years. I was simply working like a wall clock. Not much passion in anything. I had a whole world to live. What my question was do I have a purpose to live. Slowly I stopped smiling and almost stopped showing any kind of expression. I grew up gradually in my job. My lifestyle had changed. Things were looking pretty good at that time. But I had my own demons in my heart. I was not able to get rid of her
manuscripts from my heart. A kind of hallow pain.
By mere accident I got my first onsite assignment. I wasn’t too overwhelmed about that. I did not have much expectation about it. I too earned envy of almost all my colleagues. I was sure about one thing that this change would make me to digest her somehow. I did predict that this could be a major paradigm shift in my life. Sometimes predictions come true. After few more hiccups, I flew to Vancouver, Canada. At times we happened to watch some movie without much expectation. But at the end, the movie would have given us more than just satisfaction. My life in Vancouver was similar to that. The initial gratification of being in new place and being surrounded by few good people was great. As familiarity breeds, those amusements also started to fade slowly. When I felt Vancouver was boring, I met her. And that’s my life’s second beautiful moment.
How could you love another girl, if you had already loved a girl? Don’t you have her in your heart still? It’s an absurd that you love another girl. Hmmm all these questions had arisen in my mind also. Is there anything like number of times you fell in love should be directly proportional to number of heart you have keeping 1 as constant? This time it wasn’t my fault. I tried to refuse her. But she was very assertive. She wanted to live her life with me. I also found answer for all my questions in her way.
But life had its answers quite different. After one year, we came to know that she had been suffering from traumatic brain injury. She was slowly losing herself. We had tried our best efforts to keep her on track. But after six months of struggle, she went into coma. And almost all her known people lost their hope that she could recover from this except me. Her parents also adapted well for this but I was not. I may not have my entire life lived with her. But it does give me the feeling of having lived a complete life.
She’d been in coma for 4 months. Then I experienced the biggest issue I had ever faced in my life. It’s called Mercy killing. Her parents lost the hope. Since I was not legally married to her there was not much I can do with this.
“Euthanasia”, have you ever pronounced this word? I even did not know the existence of this word some four months before. Euthanasia refers to the practice of ending a life in a painless manner. Only ten countries in the world have legalized this process. Canada is one among the ten nations. That had made things much complicated for me. I had very few options and I tried all. But I was always at the receiving end. I legally tried to ban the process against her. But jury told that there are million people dying in Africa because of medical scarcity. So they are not ready to spend valuable drugs to a poor girl who never gonna realize whether she is alive or not.
I am very amateurish writer. I don’t have any idea why I have been writing these things. It may have grammatical flaws. It may not have a proper vocabulary at places. It may not have attractive or poetic words. But I am still writing because if I ever read this after ten years, it may remind me all her memories which will cherish me to live my life further. If anyone else reads this, even they can fill my shoes at some places. They might tell themselves,”Hey even I experienced like that”.
“Could you write your autobiography later? It’s almost time for the process”
That’s Mr. Ronald Rutherford, one of the chief surgeons of UBC hospital, Vancouver.
I closed my pen and kept my diary inside my coat jacket.
We both went inside her ward to have a final look of her. For me she looked like simply sleeping and can wake up at any point of time. Her parents were around the bed and their eyes had swollen well enough to believe that they had been crying for the whole day. I did not cry. I had cried enough. No more tears in my eyes. Of course she hates when I cry. I gently kissed her forehead and was on my way to leave the hall. I didn’t want to look the cruel process of killing someone in the name of mercy.
I saw Mr. Ronald near the door.
“If it had been your daughter there, will you do this Mr. Ronald”, I asked him
That had not come as an outburst of anger. That was very obvious question which I wanted to ask him.
He had no answer.
I left the room. But my memories were still there.
P.S: No stones or rotten eggs, if the story was very mokka (boredom)
